Retirement or Not?
Since my last entry, I have passed another birthday and that has turned my thoughts toward retirement. I told my Executive Director that it is time to think about retirement when the people coming to see me for advice about retirement are younger than I am. For years, people have looked forward to retirement so that they could do "nothing". Many of them ended up in nursing homes. Today we are wiser and know that life is a continuing thread that carries us along through several phases of life - childhood, young adulthood, middle-age and now young seniors and older seniors. Today's seniors are active; they are on the go. They volunteer; they travel. They go back to college and get advanced degrees. They are healthy; they exercise, take Tai Chi, dance classes, Yoga and work out at a gym or the YMCA. They have choices.
The old rules have been broken;
the pendulum is swinging the other way. Gender roles have fallen by the
wayside. Divorces among seniors is not uncommon. Seniors want more
out of life than what their parents and grandparents found. There is
nothing wrong with what went before, just that things are different now.
There is a saying that goes "Seventy is the new Fifty". Forget that old
rocking chair - the grandparents are rockin'
With all this swirling around in my brain, when I went on vacation this past summer, I had the idea of checking out retirement locations for a future move in the back of my mind. I looked closely as I traveled around the east coast from New Hampshire down to Virginia Beach, VA. After I returned to IL, I remembered that an old friend once asked me if I planned to move back East since I appeared to love it so. He told me I had the will and courage to do it. At the time, I dismissed the idea. Now, I have reconsidered and am listening to my heart and it is leading me back to New Hampshire, my birth state. It seems that the minute I cross state lines and get back to the mountains of the east and near the ocean, I feel like I am in the palm of God's hands. I feel nurtured, held closely and loved.
As a younger, busy woman, raising a daughter as a single parent, working and then changing careers mid-life, I had my focus on external goals. Now that I am older and have achieved the earlier goals, I find my needs have changed. I no longer need the bustle of the city, my soul longs for the quiet of the woods. I no longer need the concerts and entertainment, my soul longs for the lap of waves at my feet. My vision is directed to inner needs such as peace and love.
I have a friend who is a wonderful role model. She tells me she has now retired 5 times. Retirement still feels funny on my tongue but I am getting acclimated to the idea. Presently I am re-tooling by pursuing a second Masters Degree. My future goals include sharing the wisdom that I have gained with other people by teaching or consulting on a part-time basis. I also think my friend has the right idea. The picture isn't totally clear but one fact is crystallizing - Retirement - NEVER, Move - Yes, in due time.
The Gift of Love
Tina Turner sings a song entitled "What's Love Got to Do with It?" and I often find that running though my head. The tune is catchy, the beat easy. These days, it springs to mind as I look around and see all the advertising for Valentine's Day. It sometimes seems that Madison Ave. has an answer --- BUY, BUY, BUY. It pushes the idea that if you just give the perfect gift (flowers, diamonds and chocolate), love will blossom.
At other
times, I sense that we have overused the word "love" to the
point where it seems meaningless. We love movies,
books, jokes, exercise programs, clothes, places,
experiences, etc. etc. We seem to use the word love
carelessly and I think that dilutes the meaning of the word.
Words have power and we are way too casual about how we use
them. We have also confused love and lust. If
one watches the popular media, one would come away with the
idea that love = sex and the reality is that sex has little
to do with love.
We have been told that love is the greatest gift that one person can give to another. Unconditional love is our highest ideal. It may seem that there are many variations of love but I don't think so. Love is love. It just is. There is no way a person can love on command or by wishing to. It arrives spontaneously, unheralded. Likewise, there is no way to turn it off, not if you really love someone. They may hurt you or disappoint you, but that doesn't change the love you feel for them, if you truly love them. Love continues even when the object of the love is no longer present, even when there is no logical reason for it to exist. It just is.
Only by
experiencing personal love deeply can we even imagine loving
someone unconditionally. Probably the most natural and
easiest unconditional love is that which a parent has for a
child. No matter what the child does or doesn't do,
the love for them is constant and steady. Love can be
sorely tested but it never wavers. It is said that
there is a thin line between love and hate and in some cases
that appears to be true. Few adults have not endured
pain at some point in their closest relationships and how
they deal with it will either drive them apart or bring them
closer together.
Communication is vital in any close relationship and it is even more important in a love relationship. All of us want that someone special to love and be loved by. As we grow and evolve (sometimes called maturing), communication and interconnectedness become the basis of the love. To have someone who answers the question before it is asked, to hold someone so close that you feel what they are feeling is a special gift of love.
Love is not the special province of young people. Older adults also want love in their lives. They have been tested by life and love and it is inspiring to see them still be willing to risk hurt by embracing love when it enters their lives. For older love, it is love that is grounded in experience; life experience of past loves and losses. There is an Irish saying that says "The older the fiddle; the sweeter the tune" and that can be true of senior love. When it comes to relationships, love is the cement that holds two people together.
At one time I thought that loving someone unconditionally would keep me from being hurt. I didn't want to fall in love because I reasoned that if you fall in, you can fall out. I have learned that it is easier to detach and love everyone unconditionally than it is to love one person on an individual basis. But it is only with that special personal love that our life lights up, our eyes sparkle and joy bubbles up inside and escapes out for all to see. You can play it safe and keep your distance and love all unconditionally or you can risk hurt and let yourself fall.
Vacation or Retreat?
I was not sure what to call this rambling thought. I have been having a week's retreat at a good friend's cabin by a lake in Wisconsin. After several days of relaxing, reading, being in nature, I find that the tension in my shoulders and neck is going away. My sleep is deep and sound. My appetite prompts me when to eat or drink.
Vacations are busy, full of
activities and people. They often involve considerable travel, timetables
and schedules, to say nothing of expenses - anticipated and surprises.
Vacations can be challenging, invigorating and a learning experience. You
get to go to new places and see new things. You get to explore, see
historical villages and landmarks. You get to have new adventures.
There is a whole big world out there for you to investigate.
Retreats on the other hand are a returning to a familiar base. On a retreat, the emphasis is on an inner exploration. A retreat gives you silence and space; it sets a mood or tone for contemplation. There are no schedules, no planned events. On a retreat, you can go as the mood strikes you - maybe a walk along the lake shore or a visit to the neighboring small town. You can hear the birds sing, eavesdrop on nearby children chanting "London Bridge is falling down" in their play. You can spend time in meditation, entering that sacred space within. You can get back in touch with yourself without all of the distractions of the busy work world.
One is not better than the other - just different. Timing enters into your decision and what you need most in your life. I love vacations and am already looking forward to next year's. However, I cherish the opportunity to go on retreat and do so whenever possible. We all need to re-charge our batteries and get back in touch with our authentic Self to better re-enter the larger world.
December - An ending or a beginning?
December is a month of cold and snow and retrospection. I find that many people feel a bit down, especially with the Christmas holidays looming. Why, I wonder, does this happen at a time when joy and peace should be ruling our world? Looking at the outer world, with its wars and horrors, it is easier to understand the down feelings. Today, with so many of our young men's and women's lives are at risk, I think we need to pause in our holiday preparations and send forth prayers for their safety and also for peace. There are no winners in a war, no matter how much the politicians want us to believe there is. Our young people are returning home in body bags, disabled, shattered and life will never be the same for them after the horrors they have witnessed.
I also think that another reason is that we try to recapture that magic that we remember from our childhood and find it is as illusive as other shadows from the past. Life was simpler then or so we think. There was less technology and less materialism, or was there? Haven't there always been the "haves" and the "have-nots"? Maybe it is time to put those old memories in the closet and build new traditions for our lives now. Maybe it is time to re-think our values and goals. Maybe it is time to focus more on being than having. Maybe it is just time.
Endings are usually sad in most cases and as we close out the year, there is a tendency to look back and think about all that we haven't done, rather than on what we have accomplished. We seem to measure ourselves against some unrealistic and unattainable goal and find that we haven't measured up. Maybe it is time that we switch our focus and call to mind all the triumphs we have had -- no matter how small. We need to think about what we have done, what battles we have fought and the struggles we have overcome. We need to measure our lives against another yardstick -- not the one of the world, but the inner one.
Are we more mellow? Are we more content with what we have? Do we have more happiness than unhappiness in our life? Is there respect and honor in the people we have in our lives? Can we sit back and enjoy the so-called simple pleasures? As seniors, are we slowing down and are we okay with that? Are our lives filled with people and experiences that feed our souls? Do we look forward to a new year with anticipation of what it will bring to us for our growth? If you can answer yes to most of these questions, then congratulations, you are living an authentic life. With the blessed season of Christmas almost upon us, I wish you all PEACE, HAPPINESS AND JOY IN 2005!!!!.
Again, I am doing something different. I have been given a continuation of the original story of the Sand Crab. I have copied the original and then added the additional material. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Squeaky, The Little Sand Crab
One day the Sun Goddess was walking along the beach, catching the lap of the waves at her feet. Her world was full of peace, harmony and joy. God was in her Heavens and all was right with the world. All of a sudden, she almost stumbled as her foot touched something hard in the sand. She bent and parted the grains of sand to find a little sand crab looking up at her. “Oh, my friend,” she said, “how did you get so far from your cave?”
The little sand crab looked up and saw a radiance of light that was blinding. Quickly he scurried back to his cave, peering out to see if he had been pursued. Looking out from under the rock overhang, he beheld a dazzling smile and eyes filled with love looking back at him. Slowly he ventured closer to the opening of his cave. “Come out and play,” said the Sun Goddess.
The little sand crab
sidled out onto the sand, feeling the full blaze of the
noonday sun on his shell. With the encouragement of
the Sun Goddess, he frolicked in the surf with his new
playmate. Tenderly the Sun Goddess lifted him so that
he could see the horizon, showing him a world unknown to
him. Placing him back in the surf, the Sun Goddess
danced among the waves, calling to him to follow.
Later, as the little sand crab lay on the sand beside the Sun Goddess, he felt the warmth of the sun and the heat of her love softening his shell. “Oh, no,” he cried, “what will happen to me if I lose my shell?” With that he scrambled back to his cave, only to find that it was now filled with light and he had no place to hide. In despair, he turned on the Sun Goddess and blamed her for the loss of his lair.
“No,” said she, “it is your desire to grow and blossom into your fullness that brought you out of your cave.” “It is your turn to be in the Light instead of hiding in the dark,” she went on. “I was only the bait in the snare of the Universe to lure you out of the darkness” and saying that, she faded into the brightness of the SUN.
Time passed and the Sun Goddess returned to the seaside once again. She wandered along the shore looking for the little sand crab that she had left months before. She called his name, “Squeaky” and waited patiently for his response. Up and down the seashore she called to her little friend, but there was no answering cry. Finally, she came to the rock overhang that she recognized as the front door to his cave. Bending close to the opening, she called again, “Squeaky, come out into the light.” Silence. Hmmm, thought the Sun Goddess. Maybe he is out looking for food and she started to walk along the shore once again, moving further north.
Seeing a crayfish
scuttling along, she approached him and asked if he had seen
the little sand crab, which lived under the rock overhang.
“No, haven’t seen him for a while,” was the crayfish’s
response. Sun Goddess continued along the beach, and spying
a sea gull stalking along the shore looking for tidbits to
eat, she hurried to her and asked again about the little
sand crab. The sea gull cocked her head and thought and
thought. At last, she answered, “I haven’t seen the sand
crab for a number of moons; not since he and the sea slug
moved into a different cave. “Where is his new cave?” cried
the Sun Goddess.
“I’m not sure,” was the reply from the sea gull, “but I think I heard it was out under the reef over by South Bay. Thanking the sea gull, Sun Goddess turned back along the shore and this time headed south. She quickly found South Bay and looking out across the water, she spied the reef. “Oh,” she exclaimed, “how am I ever going to find Squeaky out there.” The shadows were lengthening across the sands as she made her way across the beach and stood looking out at the reef. It was too late to look for him any longer that day she thought and with that, Sun Goddess whisked herself across the inlet and over the horizon.
As the sun rose the next morning, Sun Goddess appeared on the beach once again. She waded out towards the reef, calling for Squeaky but again receiving no response. Discouraged, she returned to the shore and sat on the sand, watching the tide go out. Seeing Wise Old Sea Turtle coming ashore, she called to him and inquired if he had seen the missing little sand crab. Wise Old Sea Turtle pondered the question for a while and then said, “Yes, I remember seeing him a while ago. He was with his friend Sea Slug. The sea slug was urging him to hurry to the new cave she had found, which was out further, deeper and darker than his little old cave under the rock overhang. Maybe he has been eaten by one of the big fish who swim around the reef.”
Sun Goddess thanked Wise
Old Sea Turtle. She walked to a sheltered place where
she could meditate. Seating herself, she withdrew and
went inside to see if she could feel if the little sand crab
was no longer alive. Quieting her outer senses, she
focused within and asked about Squeaky.
After a short while, she could feel the inner connection
between her spirit and the spirit of the little sand crab.
It was still strong and that told her that Squeaky was still
alive. Puzzled, Sun Goddess watched the reef as the
sun began to set. She reveled in the brilliant colors
that striped the sky as the sun descended beyond the
horizon.
Waiting patiently, she watched as the moon ascended in her full glory. Crying to Sister Moon, Sun Goddess poured out her concern about Squeaky, the sand crab. “Why would he go further into the darkness after being in the Light?” she asked, “Why didn’t he wait for my return?” Sister Moon sighed and looked upon Sun Goddess with compassion. “Dear Sister,” she said, “every being on the earth has the Light inside, but most don’t realize that. It doesn’t matter if you are a goddess or a sand crab; the Light is there in perfect measure. You recognized the Light within the little sand crab and called it forth so that he could also recognize his Light within. While he rejoiced at being in the Light, it also scared him so he was tempted to run. Because his little sand crab heart was once again full of love, he wanted to help his friend, the sea slug so he let her lead him back into the darkness. He thought that he could help bring her into the Light, too.”
Pausing to let Sun
Goddess absorb what she had said, Sister Moon went on, “No
one can bring out the Light in another
unless that being is
ready for it. Each being has to grow at their own pace and
Sea Slug just isn’t ready to advance now. Squeaky cannot
help her no matter how much he wants to. She has to help
herself and she isn’t ready to do that yet.” “So,”
exclaimed Sun Goddess, “I was able to reflect Squeaky’s
light back to him as I have done for so many because he must have
been ready to move ahead, but where is he now and why is he
running away?”
Sister Moon sadly shook
her head, “Have you forgotten how scared you were when you
started your own journey? Don’t you remember how you denied
your talents and gifts? Coming into your own fullness did
not happen overnight. It took the overcoming of lots of
challenges and much courage on your part. Don’t you think
Squeaky is facing the same feelings?” Sun Goddess hung her
head. She had forgotten the hardships of her own path.
She could only think of all the suffering the little sand
crab had gone through and of his wonderful talents and
goodness. She wanted so much for him to realize how special
he really was. “You are right, Sister Moon, sometimes we
deny our reality because life has been hard and it feels
strange to be happy and successful,” responded Sun Goddess,
“You are always waiting for something to go wrong and so you
run away rather than taking a chance on being happy.” 
Sister Moon smiled down on Sun Goddess and sent her thoughts of peace and love. “I think, my dear sister, that you have let the little sand crab into your heart. I feel you have not only given him unconditional love, as we are bidden by The Universal Spirit, but you have also let personal feelings develop for him. Maybe you also have a lesson to learn.” Sun Goddess pondered on what Sister Moon had said. Did she have personal feelings for Squeaky? Had he become more to her than a playmate? Was he more than another soul to mentor? What was her lesson to be learned?
Smiling up at Sister Moon, Sun Goddess said, “Oh Sister Moon, you are so wise and can see into my heart to truths even I don’t understand. Maybe my lesson is to love enough to let go.” Sister Moon chuckled, “You always were one of my more perceptive students. I think you are correct. Your lesson is that you can love another but you cannot hold on to them. They have to be able to make their own mistakes and learn from their own errors. All you can do is to cheer them on from the sidelines and to keep them in your prayers. Even a holy person can be lured from the path; the difference is that the holy one knows how to get back to it.”
As the night passed,
Sister Moon and Sun Goddess spent the rest of the time
sharing thoughts, concerns and truths about the state of the
earth, love, spirituality, and
what the future might hold. As the sun spread its rosy hue
across the horizon, Sister Moon started her descent, bidding
goodnight to Sun Goddess. “Remember,” she said in parting,
“There is a divine plan for each and every being and it is
planted deep within each soul, along with the power to make
it come true. It will unfold perfectly in its own time and
its own way for each of us.” 
Gazing at the rising sun, Sun Goddess rose from the beach and took a last look out at the reef. “Goodbye Squeaky, for now. See you when you have found your way back to the Light. I’ll keep you in my prayers and send you thoughts of love and peace.” With that, Sun Goddess disappeared once again into the SUN.
Late Bloomin' Love
Love comes in many guises - parental, familial, friendships and romance. You don't see much in the media in the way of romance between two older adults. It seems remantic love is reserved for the young if you believe the movies. I don't often recommend movies but recently I saw one that I thought was a must for anyone 50+. It is "Something's Gotta Give" with Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton and is a romantic love story of two people who are in their 60's (although one doesn't act it). I felt it was so healthy to see two older adults fall in love and have a romantic relationship, along with acknowledging their own sexuality, even if it was done "Hollywood-style". It was the kind of movie that made you laugh and cry, and sometimes both at the same time.
Our society is so
youth-oriented that the subject of love between two older
adults often makes people uncomfortable, to say nothing
of the idea of sex being involved. We have moved
forward on so many fronts but ageism is still strong and
rears its ugly head regularly in the area of romance. Just look at our
magazines and television programming and you will see that
it is unusual that older adults are featured in a romantic
relationship situation. There have been some inroads
on television, notably the BBC series "As Time Goes By" with
Dame Judith Dench and Geoffrey Palmer. Then, more
recently, there is
Tyne Daly's role on "Judging Amy". However,
most programming is geared toward the "young and
beautiful".
Romantic love is that special feeling that knows no age. It really doesn't belong just to the young. It can happen to anyone at any time. Love crosses all barriers, even age. I am always delighted when I have an older couple in my office and they literarily "twinkle" at the thought or mention of the other. I love seeing the commitment and obvious affection that flows between them, after 40-50 years of marriage. Unfortunately it is all too rare. I have had older men and women both share with me that they have a "special someone" in their life - but it is usually done hesitantly, tentatively, until I express how wonderful I think that is for them. Then they just glow and pour out their feelings. Even then, many times, they are quick to tell me that "sex isn't involved." I have even shocked a few by asking why not and telling them that sex is a normal, natural part of life at any age.
Romance at an older age can be
wonderful and just as magical as it was when we were
younger. We have learned to accept ourselves as we are
and to let others be who they are. We have survived
several relationships and know better what we can live with
and what we can't. We have more tolerance, more
patience and a more realistic take on life. We have a
knowledge that life is precious and love is not to be
wasted. If we are lucky enough to find someone that
causes our heart to sing and our eyes to light up, we know
what a gift that is. Love is special at any age and we
need to remember that!
We also are more cautious and practical -- sometimes too much so. We are veterans in the area of relationships and have survived disappointment and hurt from past "loves". We know all too well the potential for hurt and wounding. I have a very dear relative who warns me with "caution, think of yellow warning lights, proceed with caution." He also adds, "we are too old to mess up our lives at this point." He has a point; falling in love at an older age has many pitfalls and each person comes with their own baggage.
It is not for the faint-hearted. You have to be willing to take the risk of being hurt. For some, it is easier to stay safe and not risk, no matter what price is paid or what life experience is missed. Then, the idea of additional commitment is another whole story - maybe love but maybe not taking the next step. There is no right or wrong decision - it is what you can live with and maybe who.
As
older adults, we have a closer
sense of "time running out". All around us, we are
reminded of the frailties that may come with aging and we
often see disease processes striking down our cohorts.
We are in "God's waiting room" so to speak. We
know that life does not come with guarantees and we struggle
with the knowledge that love may lead into a future that
consists of caregiving and loss. We know all too well
the what the future may hold for us. However, the tragedy of not loving far
outweighs the risks we take when we choose to open our
hearts and let love in. To merely exist without love
is not an option for some. Love is the flame that ignites our
souls and sparks us to be more than we thought we could be. Thus, it is inspiring and
uplifting to see that romantic love can still enter the lives of
older adults, even when it is a Hollywood version.
Trip of a Lifetime
When one hears the phrase "trip of a lifetime" usually their thoughts turn to some exotic adventure or faraway land. For me, the trip of a lifetime was one I took this fall. I returned back to New England to attend a 45th class reunion and to re-connect with family and old friends. I was able to take a month off and drive back, stopping along the way as the fancy moved me.
The reunion was wonderful and
it was great to see a lot of people I had lost touch with
over the years. I was struck by how some had aged
easily and others reflected the challenges with which life
had faced them. I, myself, feel that my graying hair
and wrinkles are badges to be worn with pride. It was also very special to visit and reminisce
with friends from that early part of my life. Staying
with a beloved cousin, a dear classmate and visiting my
brother were also high on my list in making this trip
outstanding. The beauty of New England in the fall fed
my soul - it was breath-taking!
I took the time visit old
places I had lived and gone to school. My old high
school didn't look as big as I remembered it. There
were many more cars parked on the hill where we used to sled. Hills had been leveled, houses remodeled and
streets were narrower. The traffic pattern for the
downtown area had been changed. Neighborhoods were
different. Lots of changes over the years to the town
as well as to myself.
More importantly, I focused
on my feelings and emotional connections. I let my
soul lead me back to some early memories: some happy,
some sad. I retraced my route to school, remembering
both good and bad experiences. I let my heart open to
healing and mentally released any old hurts that still
lingered.
I released old traumas and joyfully recalled precious memories. Reflecting on who I was and what had transpired to turn me into the person I have become allowed me to gain a fresh perspective on my life. I found that this was what turned a vacation into the "trip of a lifetime." We all need to review our life at some point. It is important to know where we have come from to understand where we are headed. I urge everyone to slow down and take a backward look to gain insight and to make any adjustments needed as we continue our life's journey. Enjoy your trip!
Birthdays
Having just celebrated my birthday, I found that my thoughts about such milestones has changed over the years. Birthdays used to mean parties, cards and presents, getting together with friends and family, an excuse to go off a diet. Not getting older but getting better became my mantra at some point in time. As a young person, I remembered how older folks would always say how fast time passed. For the young, time drags by, way too slowly at certain times of the year, like birthdays and Christmas and school letting out.
As I moved through life,
birthdays came to mean not only the passing of years, but
the passing of life's moments such as a new baby, death of
an older relative, career moves, changes of residences,
gaining new friends and sometimes losing old ones. As
each year ticked off, it seemed that the clock had sped up a
bit. However, as a young adult, birthdays became
markers of growth spurts.
As I approached middle age, life seemed to settle into a pattern and birthdays seemed to matter less. They became just another date on the calendar. Life was full and satisfying. Then, I moved into the 60's and life once more became exciting. New people entered my life. Routine went out the window and challenges flew in. New thoughts came into my mind, like retirement possibilities, new paths to explore, new avenues to go down, choices of what to do in the future.
"Was I now in God's
waiting room?" I wondered as I
noticed ages in
obituaries - some my age and lots older and then some
younger. Having been a Hospice volunteer, death was no
stranger but now it seemed familiar in a very personal
way. Now facing my aging and my own mortality became
more real, closer, more personal than when it was theory and
happening to others.
I find this birthday brought more questions than answers. I found myself focusing on what lessons I had left to learn, where had I not yet gone, what had I not yet achieved in life, what were my priorities? I now wonder if there is enough time left to do all the things I want to do, go to all the places I want to visit and to see all the people I want to see once again.
I also focused on all my blessings. I have loved long and deeply. I have served my fellow man. I have raised a delightful child into adulthood. I remain in good health. I have many friends and loved ones who fill my life. I have followed a spiritual path for many years, so many in fact, it is no longer a path, but the way I live. Holy men have blessed my life and continue to do so. I have lived. I have been aware and awakened to life in all its facets. I feel these are the gifts that really count. I am ready to trod new roads and find my creativity has expanded and continues to flow. I wish the same for all who read these thoughts. Happy Birthday fellow humans!!!
By the way, I would like to share my birthday thought with you.
Leo
I AM LEO!!
Hear me roar. I
come into my own and declare my majesty, my royal blood.
You, who are lowly creatures, bow before me.
Feel the honor of my presence.
Run from me in fear.
I AM the great one.
I AM the goddess and it is my month to shine forth in
my entire splendor.
During the rest of the year, I keep my
inner light subdued, lighting only
the path for a few chosen
ones. I purr
instead of roar. I
expand my spirit into the Universe and spend my days in
service of it. I
am gentle, understanding, kind, and even patient at times.
But now, it is my time! I let forth a bellow that echoes through the suburban jungle that I roam. Stand aside, the CAT is walking among you. Pay attention or I’ll snap you in two with a flick of my tail. Don’t tease the mighty lioness or you may become a tasty tidbit. This is Leo Time!
Spring officially is here?
Spring brings the flowers in bloom, the birds wake you with their singing, after the silent winter and all's right with the world. So much for that myth. Being in the Midwest in Spring is like living with a split personality climate. One day it is in the 80's and a day or two later, they are issuing frost warnings. It seems Mother Nature can't make up her mind. While winter is for hibernating, Spring is for action -- if it ever gets warm enough. The flowers want to break their buds and bloom. I want to get out early in the mornings and start my walking practice again. Kids are starting to whiz around on roller skates.
It feels like all systems are
go and then we hear another weather forecast predicting
temperatures in the low 30's or even in the 20's. Talk
about getting your expectations crushed! Spring is
such a magical time. There are those light, balmy warm
breezes. Everything is turning green. It is
getting up to a world that is light already and returning
home after work in the light. The darkness fades from
our vision.
Spring can be a time of new beginnings: a time to clean out the old and bring in the new; a time to open up the house and let the fresh air into your life. It can also be a time to take the introspection you went through during the winter months and put it into action. It is a time when you can emerge from the dark of winter into the warmth of Spring. You can shed the old baggage you have carried and open your heart to healing and a new vision of what your life can be. More than anything, I feel that Spring is a time for Hope. Hope for all the new wonderful people that can enter your life, along with new opportunities for change.
We used to think of Spring as a time for Spring cleaning our homes. I think that we should look at it as a time for cleaning of our soul. With Hope to buoy us up, we need to look at our inner selves and see what ideals we want to possess. We need to look and see what black knots we need to go in and untangle so we can be free in our spirit. Are we holding grudges, pain from old hurts, or resentments about the hand life has dealt us? Maybe it is time to reshuffle the cards and deal a new hand. Seeds planted in the Spring have all summer to germinate and grow so that we can reap a harvest in the Fall. Plant some positive seeds in your heart and mind and reap a life of peace and joy in some Fall in the future. Spring is a time of rejuvenation and growth.
January isn't such a bad month
Each year I find myself actually looking forward to January. I can remember when I didn't look past December 25, but those days are over. Now it is January that I look forward to entering. January was named after the Roman God, Janus, which is identified with doors, gates and all beginnings and is represented with two opposite faces. As I age, I find myself identifying more and more with old Janus. I find January is a month of introspection for me.
Living in the northern climes, I tend to hibernate as much as possible during January. Staying in where it is warm and toasty has a lot of appeal with out trips restricted to necessary ones like work, shopping for groceries, etc. I find myself wanting to go through "stuff" and organize and pitch out. I also find I want to stay at home and curl up with a good book (which is true almost anytime but even more at this time). I find my thoughts dwelling on events of the past and old friends who have reappeared in my life, as well as those who have left my life. My gut feeling is that I am not alone in these types of pursuits at this time of year.
I feel January is the hinge month in the calendar. It is a time when we can reflect on the year that has just passed and assess where we are in the bigger scheme of things. We can take the time to look at our goals, objectives, priorities and values. It is a time for re-evaluation about our lives and how we are living them. Have we moved toward peace of mind and happiness or are we off-track and in a downward spiral? Are there changes we need to make to become the people we want to be? Are our relationships happy and fulfilled or are we constantly in a battle with someone?
We can look forward to the year that is coming and make choices about what steps we want to take to enrich our lives. We can look inward and focus on our inner nature and take time to nurture ourselves. We can plant the seeds for personal growth by establishing routines that include time meditation, reflection, and some sort of spiritual quest. We can plant seeds for our physical growth by including some "down time", exercise routines, and a healthy way of eating . We can plant seeds for our emotional growth by reaching out to others, changing our attitudes if need be and social times with close friends.
January can become not a month to make resolutions that are quickly broken; but a month to start with small steps in the various parts of your life to make changes. If you start to really look at January as a hinge point in your life, you can start a journey that will lead to life that is more fulfilling and joyous than you ever could imagine. First, you have to get off the treadmill and take those first small steps. Then January can become the month that you look forward to, too.
Life goes on and so must we.
It seems that while September 11, 2001 will always be in our hearts and memories, life is moving on. The fervor and patriotic outpouring seems to have calmed down, but it is still nice to see flags flying and people being proud of who they are -- Americans one and all. The challenge is to pick up and go on, changed, but optimistic about the future.
One of
the remnants that we have to all deal with is the
over-shadowing specter of another terrorist attack.
While it is not always at the forefront of our thoughts, it
definitely is in the background. I don't know about
you, but I found myself holding my breath over the Christmas
holidays, again through the Olympics in Salt Lake City and
most recently over the 4th of July. Occasionally, we hear something on the news
about a foiled terrorist plan somewhere in the world.
While this is a new mind set for Americans, it is a way of
life in many other parts of the world. People live
with the threat of violence on a daily basis -- never
knowing when or where it will erupt. Places like
Israel, Northern Ireland, Africa spring to mind
immediately. Hopefully, we here will be more sensitive
to what our brothers and sisters are living through around
the world. And still life goes on.
Besides the terrible event of 9/11/01, we all go through our own personal tragedies and then have to pick up and go on. I have always thought that the world stops for you when there is a birth or a death. The rest of the world around us goes on, but we feel suspended in time and space for a while. Coping with loss, divorce, unemployment are just a few of the personal experiences many of us have survived. We fear the worst that can happen to us; sometimes it happens and we find that we are survivors. And life goes on.
As we age, we have had ample time to experience many of the vicissitudes of life as well as many of the joys. We realize that to thoroughly relish the peaks it appears necessary for us to go through the valleys. We learn from each experience and use that new found wisdom to help us cope better with life. Life doesn't get easier, but we seem to take it easier. We aren't as resistant to change; we aren't as fragile as we once were. We have the inner strength to get through almost anything that comes our way and we have the knowledge that we are survivors.
These days there are many aids to help us reduce the stress in our life. Techniques such as meditation has a proven track record for stress reduction. Aromatherapy can boost our spirits, help us sleep or wake us up. Vitamins and herbs can help keep us healthier and boost our immune system. Having close friends to talk to can keep us from feeling isolated and vulnerable. Volunteering and working to help others has been shown to have health benefits and to contribute to our happiness. Music can soothe our souls and elevate our moods. Turning off the news, especially at night, can help us have better dreams.
The word stress is overused. It is life and we all experience it in all its ups and downs, joys and sorrows. Life is given to us as a gift; what we do with it is what gives us meaning. Work on being positive and look for challenges instead of problems. See opportunities instead of difficulties. Each one of us has the power to make a difference in our world. Living life to the fullest is the best way to defeat terrorism. Choosing not to be intimidated or to intimidate others can move us toward peace.
Our changed World
Words can be wonderful things. They let us express our thoughts and our emotions. They can calm us down and enflame us. They can unite us or divide us. Words can be meaningful or trite. And sometimes, there can be no words.
There are no words that could ever describe the horror of what we all experienced on September 11, 2001 in New York, Washington, D.C. and a field in Pennsylvania. That date, that first moment you heard the news is forever and ever seared into your memory -- What you were doing -- Where you were -- The shock and outrage you experienced, swiftly followed by denial. No, it can't happen here. No, not all those lives lost. No, no, no.
Then
came the television pictures and the
commentators reporting
that went on and on and on -- The inability to stay
away from seeing the crash, the flames, the Twin Towers
collapsing -- The overwhelming need to reach loved
ones, to reassure yourself that you and yours were all right
-- The tears that flowed freely and have kept flowing,
at times unexpectedly, at times just needing to let go and
feel the pain and sorrow that was dammed up.
Anxiety, stress, displaced anger, edginess, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, and fear -- Fear that it will happen again -- Fear that it will happen where we are -- And guilt that we feel that way. When will things get back to normal? Will we ever be normal again? What is normal?
Internet tributes, patriotic memorial services, church services, financial donations, candlelight vigils were all responses to our joint outpouring of grief. Eulogies, newspaper reports, television interviews created an immediacy and intimacy that united all of us. Never were the words of John Donne more true - "no man is an island........any man's death diminishes me because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." As a nation, as we hear the echo of the tolling bell, never had we felt so connected as we sought to help in anyway that we could. That was the beginning of our healing process; our return journey to wholeness. Our challenge is to continue to feel that bond in the future so that we can truly state, "there are no others, we are one."
Our world has changed. It changed in that instant when the first plane crashed into the first tower. We all possess a knowledge that we didn't have before. We all feel differently than we did before. We all are suffering from a form of post-traumatic stress. We have an extra layer of unidentified, sometimes unrecognized, stress that we carry with us.
It
will be more important than ever that we learn how to handle
that extra burden. It is vital to our future that we
look closely at our priorities and realize that it is not
the possessions, not things, but the relationships that we
share that give our life meaning. It is vital that we
strengthen our connection to our Higher Source whatever that
is called. It is vital that we take good care of
ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally.
We are now survivors, all of us and we must go on. We must grieve for those of us that were murdered by fanaticism. We must pick up the pieces of our lives and help our neighbors, our communities and our world forge ahead. We need to look for that which unites us rather than that which divides us. We must look to serve rather than to be served. We need to look for positive changes that we can make so that our world will not have space in it for anything like this to happen again, anywhere in our world. That is the memorial that we need to build for those who were lost; not one of bricks and mortar, but one of love and forgiveness. We must forgive the unforgivable -- not for their sake but for ours.
On behalf of Aging Concepts and myself, I extend our deepest sympathy to those who lost family or friends in this most awful of tragedies.
Change
I guess it's age. It seems like it might be. I actually can remember when driving was fun. That's right, fun. Some of my happiest memories go back to New Hampshire in the 40's. It was a much simpler time and gas was cheap. Going out for a ride was entertainment. Not having an appointment or schedule to meet was standard for Sunday afternoons when we would pile into my uncle's car (with running boards) and go for a drive. It was particularly exciting if we found an old dirt road and could follow it to see where it would lead. The very best was a stop along the way for fried clams, lobster rolls and french fries. This was pre-McDonald's but every little town had it's own version of outdoor eating spots and the menu was varied -- hot dogs or hamburgers, with or without fries. They were made fresh and you could sometimes watch your "dog" or "burger" being made before your very eyes. If you wanted something special, it was a treat to drive to the next town because they had a fried clam stand!
Life was simpler in those days in many ways. I can remember sitting "uptown" by the town common on Saturday nights in my uncle's car, having our supper "out" (aforementioned hot dog or burger) and watching the out-of-town cars go by. Spotting a car from MA or VT or as far away as CT was the high spot. Okay, it was the forties. When I tell my adult daughter about this, she rolls her eyes and exhales with exaggerated sighs. She has trouble believing there was a time before pizza and when I tell her I remember when pizza was first introduced, she just shakes her head in disbelief.
Times change and we have
to change with them. I now feel quite up-to-date with all the modern
gadgets that we have to improve our
lives, but sometimes, I can't help but
wonder what price we have paid in our quality of life for the "advancement
of science and technology". We can't escape anymore, not with cell
phones and e-mail. People can always reach us. We have rages in a
variety of guises: road rage, sports rage, impatience rage, envy rage, and
so it goes. Stress affects all areas of our lives: health, social
interactions, work, relationships. Where is it going to lead us?
My hope is that we will take back control in our lives. We will slow down and stay in the present instead of barreling ahead to the future. We will take more responsibility for our actions and remember that rage is just anger out of control and we don't have the right to express it. In other words, your rights end at the end of my nose. We will focus on what really makes life worthwhile: helping a neighbor or friend, a walk in nature, children's laughter, the adoring look of one's pet, good health, flowers, delicious aromas scenting the wind. We will clear our decks of extraneous "stuff" and "happenings" and re-prioritize where we put our energy. We will care more for the environment, our community and most of all, our family and friends.
Maybe then driving will be fun again.
Separation
I
have been thinking about how segmented our society has become lately.
We have immense racial issues. The
generation gap seems to be wider than ever.
Male/Female relationships are rocky.
Traditional roles have disappeared and future gender roles are murky at
best. Working relationships between
management and labor are stressful. Rage
rears its ugly head in all areas of our lives and violence is at an all time
high.
When
did this happen? How did it happen?
What is the hope for the future if some drastic changes are not made and
made soon? I am not trying to be an
alarmist but it seems to me that we are not heading in a positive direction as a
species.
In
thinking back, I remember that when
I was a teenager in the mid-fifties, “teenagehood” was
a new concept. Prior to that, one
day you were 12; you had a birthday; and the next day you were 13.
Big deal. Nothing special.
In the early 50s all that changed with the emergence of the
“teenager”. There were books
and magazine articles published about this strange, new creature that had just
come into being. I remember my
folks reading about teenagers in “Life” magazine and worrying about what to
do with me now that I was a teenager. It
was like I had sprouted horns on my head all of a sudden.
The boys on Madison Avenue soon discovered a whole new market and then
the Media jumped on the bandwagon or should I say bankwagon, as a lot of money
has been made by targeting the teen market, once it was created.
I see
that as the beginning of our mind set of separation.
Instead of feeling as if we are a part of a much larger human family
called humanity, we feel alienated, alone and different from others.
Violence against “others” is somehow accepted or excused.
Rage toward people or animals is understandable because they are
“different”. Marriages fail at
an alarming rate and weaken our fabric of family life.
Selfishness has become a definition for a whole generation, whether or
not they deserve it. “Others”
become a way of satisfying our needs and wants; a means to an end.
“Others” are dehumanized.
I see
“aging” or “seniors” falling into that same type of category. They have become a “market” for purveyors of all types of
merchandise and services. Aging has
become a buzz word. The danger is
that another part of our human family is being set off with a label.
This will only promote more separation, more discrimination within our
society. When is it going to stop?
It won’t stop until each and every individual becomes aware of his or her own individual perceptions and makes a determined effort to eliminate “biased” thinking. I have long belonged to a religion that stresses “There are no others”. Martin Buber in “I and Thou” explores this whole idea of relationships as defined by words which connote attitudes. It is worth reading in our examination of our own attitudes. Pogo once said, “We have met the enemy and it is us.” Maybe it is time to stop the divisions in our society and move toward holistic thinking that encompasses all. Maybe it is time to realize that there truly are NO OTHERS. Maybe then Pogo could say, “We have met the friend and it us.” Maybe then our healing could begin.
Procrastination
I constantly astound myself at how good I am at putting things off and how ingenious I can be when I want to avoid doing something. I have been anxious to get this site finished and up and yet it has taken me several months to sit down and write this column. Something always got in the way – at least, that was my excuse. Then I was too busy, too burned out, etc. etc. So, here we are.
I don’t think I am unusual in this way. It seems to me that most people can go to
great lengths to avoid doing a particular something. Husbands seem to be especially talented in this area. And, kids – well, just ask any parent of a
teenager. Why do we do this? On one hand, I was committed to writing this
column and finishing the site. On the
other, I found myself putting the writing off.
So many times, it seems to me, we have a dichotomy between our heart and
mind and this is true of so many areas of our lives. Today with the life roles almost completely obliterated, life
sometimes is very confusing. In many
ways, life was simpler in the “good old days” but I certainly am not advocating
a return.
So often, it seems like the decision between heart and mind has to be exclusive – only one answer will suffice. And yet life is not that simple. There are many tones and shades involved at arriving at life decisions. The easy decisions don’t usually cause us much of a problem. What’s for dinner? What color dress to wear? Which TV program to watch? Easy and not very life-affecting.
Then we come to some of the biggies: Marriage or Divorce? Move or stay put? Life or potential death?
Growth or stagnation? And we
wonder why we ever thought some of the littler decisions were so
important. There is gain, but with
every gain, there is also loss. There
is risk involved in any decision, especially the big ones. How do we weigh the results when there are
intangibles involved? How do we know
what is the right decision? I don’t
know; it is a “mystery question” as a friend of mine would say.
Having lived these past many years, I find that I turn to my values and my inner feelings about a decision more and more. The outside factors aren’t nearly as important as people might think. The guiding criteria I use these days have to do with the growth potential to be found in the opportunity that has arisen. If I feel solid inside and feel like I am moving in the direction of inner growth and service, then the outside factors will fall into place.
I have used lists to try and lay out the positives and negatives of a situation and that stood me in good stead for many years. However, at this time of life, I have different items on the list. Things like love, trust, kindness, and compassion have replaced salary, working conditions, location, and promotion potential. I find that satisfaction and contentment can be obtained if our goals are in alignment with our soul’s purpose. How do we know that? I believe it is only through trial and error and experience. Our soul is self-correcting if we pay attention to the little nudges. If we start down a wrong direction, it will become painful and hopefully we learn and turn in another direction to continue our life’s journey.
Some listen to the nudges and turn their lives around. Others continue on their path of self-destruction. There are only millimeters of difference between the two choices. I hope you are listening to the nudges. Bye for now.
Aging Concepts
© Copyright
2000-2030 Aging Concepts
All Rights Reserved