This has become a growing issue in our
country. Today figures as high as 5.5 million
children, being raised by grandparents or other relatives instead of by their
own parents, are being tossed around. In
most cases, there are heart-breaking circumstances that have led to this
situation. In many cases, drugs,
alcohol or abuse are involved. There is
a gradual realization that your adult children are not parenting their own
children. Usually the grandparents step
in on a temporary basis only to find out that as time goes by, it isn’t really
temporary.
Besides the very real disappointment and heartbreak
involved, there are many practical matters that need to be addressed.
Legal Issues can include physical custody (informal
agreements or formal arrangements), private guardianship, being foster
grandparents to your own grandkids; foster kin care, legal custody and
adoption. Some of the resources for
help include the court system, Department of Children and Family Services (or
whatever it might be called in your area) and CASA, which stands for Court
Appointed Special Advocate (for the child).
Insurance/Financial Issues include doctor’s visits,
dental visits, hospital stays and prescriptions. Who pays is the big question and these extra expenses often place
a hardship burden on many grandparents on a fixed income who have opened their
homes to their grandkids. Who makes
health decisions for the children can also be a problem. Many times there is state help for the
children that is not dependent upon the grandparents financial resources. Each state will have its own version. In Illinois, there is Medicaid, Kid Care
Health Insurance, TANF (Temporary Aid to Needy Families), Extended Family
Support Program, private insurance plans and SSI (social security income) for
the children.
School Issues may involve not being able to register
a child for school unless you have legal proof that you are the guardian or
grandparent. You may also need legal
proof to obtain immunizations for the child.
Some resources for answers to these issues might be your local school
district, county health clinics, school nurses and school social workers or
psychologists.
Interpersonal Issues may be the most difficult
problems to deal with for the grandparents and the grandchildren. Many grandparents report that the little
children are not the problem. The main
area of concern will often center on the adult child parent who is not being
responsible for his or her own child or children. The parents may not physically take proper care of the child and
grandparents may have stepped in for the safety of the child. In most cases, the grandparents attempt to
maintain some sort of relationship with their adult child in hopes that at some
point, the adult child will be able to be the parent. That interaction may add friction and confusion to the household
and cause upset for all involved.
Siblings of the troubled adult child might feel
resentful that the grandparents are not as accessible to them and their own
children. The siblings may not give the
grandparents the support and encouragement they need. They may give the grandparents a hard time about the help they
are giving the “problem” sibling.
Siblings could be resources for respite care of the small or young child
and help out but sometimes they are too angry with their sibling to become
involved in a helpful way.
Psychological Challenges can cover a wide range of
psychological issues that trouble both the
grandparents and the
grandchildren Children may feel
insecure, unloved, unwanted and act out or cause problems in school. The situation can have a strong impact on
their development. The grandparents can
be stressed, develop health problems and run into financial difficulties
because of the additional expenses involved in raising a grandchild. Professional help may be needed and should
be sought out.
A good resource for the grandparents is to attend a
grandparents support group and talk to other grandparents who are facing the
same challenges. Support groups may or
may include childcare and will be held on a regular schedule. Check out this resource in your area and go. In 1995, there were 5 grandparents support
groups in Illinois, in 2000 there are now 66 and the number is growing. In Illinois alone, there are over 213,000 children
being raised by grandparents according to the 2000 census. You are not
alone. If you are a grandparent raising a
grandchild, don’t let a preconceived idea of stigma or group therapy keep you
from getting help and support that can make a major difference to you.
Other resources are:
AARP - put "grandparents"
in Search and click go - you can
also click on "family--" and then click on grandparenting
IL Dept. of Aging
– go down the list and click on "aging/dept. of" and then
click on the right side icon "grandparents raising grandchildren"
Grandparenting
– click on grandparents raising grandchildren
Off Our Rockers
Grands
– West Virginia
Grands –
Illinois (information is not most current but still
has worth)
Grands
–California
Grandtimes
For
all of you with grandkids, try www.harrypotter.warnerbros.com
You
might also enjoy www.enchantedlearning.com
